How To: Talk To Your Partner About Your Fantasy

Hetero-normative... gross. Img source Unsplash/Toa Heftiba

Fantasies – we all have them, but most will never live them out. If you have a partner that is particularly “vanilla” and you don’t know how to broach the topic of sexual exploration, read on!

Regardless of what your fantasy is, the info is more or less the same but just as an example, lets say your fantasy is being dominated by your partner.

BEFORE YOU TALK TO YOUR PARTNER

Be prepared – I’m sure you’ve already scoured the internet and have all your favourite niche porn urls memorised (just me?) but do research, be an EXPERT! Really figure out what it is you want so you know what you will be asking of your partner. I want to be dominated, I would like them to do x, y, z. My partner would have to be comfortable doing this.

WHEN YOU TALK TO YOUR PARTNER

There is a time and place for everything, don’t ask them at a bad time or a time of stress. Set the scene, maybe have a glass of wine together and start a dialogue.

“Creating a safe place to explore the erotic will undoubtedly strengthen the bond between you” – Alison Tyler

If you’re having a hard time opening up, using a hypothetical can be a good way to ease into the conversation – I had this dream last night and I have been thinking about it all day

Start small as to not overwhelm them – I have been thinking about you being more dominant in the bedroom

Explain – I love it when you’re in control, you using me for pleasure, gives me pleasure

Be patient, you might have to discuss any misconceptions they have – Being dominant doesn’t mean you’re going to be abusing me

Be ready to LISTEN to what your partner has to say and be open to compromise – Maybe we can negotiate a scenario that will work for both of us?

Encourage your partner to open up about their fantasies – Is there anything you’ve ever wanted to try?

Respect your partner and never pressure them into something they are uncomfortable with – I understand

REMEMBER

Be brave and don’t let anyone kink shame you. Its ok if it turns you on, as long as your sexual desires can be expressed with a consensual adult/s in a safe setting.

“Always remember you are a beautiful and sexual being worthy of the pleasure you desire, and never put up with assholes who shame you for a fetish” – Sophie Saint Thomas

Always play within set limits, respect safe words and prioritise the physical, emotional and mental needs and well-being of those involved.