How To: Buy A Sex Toy
Illustration Eve Lloyd Knight
If you have read part one, hopefully now you have an idea of what shape or type of toy you want to get. But there are still so many options.. WHAT NEXT?!
Here are the next few things you should consider when buying your toy.
BUDGET
Unfortunately, your budget is always going to play a role in your toy purchases. For me the main difference between an expensive toy and a cheap toy, isn’t going to be how “good” its going to be at making me cum (I have been let down by some very exxy products), it’s about what materials it’s made from. Generally speaking, the cheaper the item, the cheaper the manufacturing process, the cheaper the materials.
Extra functions can sometimes mean extra cost. Be careful when browsing that you don’t get swept up in all the crazy features and functions out there, think practically about what you need. Example, you live with other people so you only masturbate at night and quietly, you don’t need a vibrator that has an extra function of vibrating to sounds.
MATERIALS
Back to materials, without going down the rabbit hole, there are a couple of things to look out for when buying your toys. As I mentioned before, cheaper the item, cheaper the material. Cheap plastics contain BPA (bisphenol A) and phthalates, these can leech out into the mucous membrane of the vagina and anal cavity. Also try to avoid TPRs and TPEs – thermoplastic rubber and thermoplastic elastomer. Your toy is either going to be made from porous or non- porous materials. Try to stick to toys made from non-porous materials like ABS plastic, glass, silicone and metals like stainless steel.
VIBRATION FREQUENCY
Alright, I am not a scientist or fkn electrician or whatever so bare with me on this. There are two types of vibrations a high frequency and a low frequency. High frequency is buzzy, harsh, intense and sits on the top layer of skin. Low frequency is just as strong, but it’s usually described as rumbly and sends the vibrations deep into the dermal layers, penetrating all those buried nerve endings. Think of high frequency like the Mariah Carey and low frequency is the Barry White. I did read a comparison once of a bumble bee vs an earth quake… It’s more relevant to the topic but I like my Mariah vs Barry comparison better.
SIZE
Considerations for size can come to two things. Overall size, so say are you thinking you’ll be travelling a lot with this toy? Do you have kids you’re worried will be going through your stuff? A smaller, more discreet toy one may make you feel more comfortable. Then insertable size, I have 100% been victim to my eyes being bigger than my “stomach”. Think about what you usually feel comfortable with when you’re masturbating or having sex. Can you only ever use one finger? Is your partner well endowed? Are you left wanting more? Or are you struggling with what you have? Use that as your guide.
FUNCTIONS
I mentioned functions in the budget section and that may have had you scratching your head. Functions used to mean the toy would have a mix of vibration speeds and patterns. Some patterns simulate edging, start slow, building speed and then dropping back down. Some go lowest to highest intermittently. Most toys these days will have vibration patterns, not everyone uses them, I wouldn’t recommend basing your purchase solely on how many patterns it has unless you KNOW that’s what you need.
What did you mean about vibrating to sound though?
As technology has advanced, so have our vibrators. The things these toys can do! They can react to sound – music or audio, they can have touch pads to create your own vibration pattern, there are even kegel balls that respond to pressure! Meaning the harder you squeeze, the harder they vibrate. But I will cover that when I get to health products.
WATERPROOF
Lots of products claim they are waterproof when in fact they are splash proof and not submergible in water. If you plan on taking your toys in the bath, double check it is designed for underwater play.
BATTERIES VS RECHARGABLE
Most toys these days are rechargeable but I have come across some people who still prefer battery operated for the fact that they can’t have a toy “laying around” to charge. I will point out, if you choose to stick with a battery operated toy, use cheaper batteries, lithium will burn out the motor and don’t store your toys with the batteries in.
PARTING WORDS
Hopefully this has helped with your shopping, to end I will give you a story about flying with vibrators. A part of my job is sales, I have been going in and out of adult shops around Australia with a sample case since I was 18. At one point I repped for a toy company, which meant my sample case got bigger, heavier and I constantly had to stop what I was doing to rummage through it to find the same vibrator that would always go off on its own accord.
So, after a long sales trip, I was at the airport waiting to come home and I got called over the PA system to “please go to security”. I immediately knew this bastard vibe was going to be going off in my case. So I got up and went to security, assuming this would happen all the time but hoping they had a sense of humour. I was ushered into a big white room full of men wearing gloves and my suitcase up on a table, ever so faintly buzzing away. I laughed and said “sorry! I already know exactly what it is, it’s been going off all week”, stone faced they told me to stand in a specific spot, show my hands top and bottom, then open my case, get out what it was, and hold it up so the security camera could see. Still laughing, I said ok, did as they asked and presented them with a big bright pink rabbit vibrator. I turned it off and put it in my handbag, said thanks to the officers with flushed cheeks and left.
